Home PROBLEMS DUE TO DIFFERENT RESPONSES IN PARTNERS
DISPARITY IN DURATION OF RESPONSE
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Disparity in duration of responses between men and women
This may become a problem because of:
1. Once the man has ejaculated, he may continue to arouse her for a while but she discourages further stimulation because: she feels awkward about making/letting him ‘work’ once he has ‘finished’; or feels that he may not wish to continue; or he may not be aware of the possibility of or her need for manual or oral stimulation. This results in orgasmic dysfunction. The woman recognizes after a while that her arousal to point 1 [before reaching her orgasm] leads no further than frustration.
2. She may become aroused to point 2 [before reaching the plateau phase of arousal], but not further once her partner's thrusting ceases.
3. Once she is aware that her partner's orgasm is imminent, she "switches off", and this results in arousal dysfunction.
4. Arousal is minimal or absent, as her natural response is suppressed because she realizes that her minimal level of arousal is unfulfilling, and she may feel that she is being used without concern. It is often at this point that women will ask for professional help, complaining of "feeling nothing" during intercourse, and this is perceived as desire dysfunction.
5. The woman encourages her partner to "get it over with as soon as possible", and this can promote premature ejaculation. This further reduces the possibility of her arousal, and increases her resentment at being "used as a receptacle': and may cause her to taunt and humiliate her partner. Sex becomes granted as a favour or used as a weapon, and the inevitable avoidance further compounds all these problems.
6. The man's concern that he is unable to satisfy his partner, and his desire to delay ejaculation can block his own response, and may result in difficulty in getting or maintaining his erection- erectile dysfunction.
This progression to dysfunction can be illustrated in the following analogy:
A couple go to a restaurant and the man orders a delicious dish, the woman enjoys the smell and sight of it and he offers her a bite, which she enjoys, and he then proceeds to finish the meal. The same thing happens every time they go. After a while the woman resents his complete enjoyment and her own frustration at partaking of only a morsel, and encourages him to finish quickly. This, as well as his guilt affects his enjoyment. Gradually she finds reasons to excuse herself from accompanying him to the restaurant - in the same way as the woman who realizes she is not going to get much enjoyment out of having sex, makes excuses to avoid it.
There are other differences in response between men and women which people should recognize in order to minimize false expectations and avoid problems.
This may become a problem because of:
- Lack of awareness of the woman’s need for direct clitoral stimulation and extended foreplay, or for continued stimulation after her partner’s orgasm .
- The woman’s sexual inhibitions and lack of awareness of the need to guide her partner to gain the most effective stimulation.
1. Once the man has ejaculated, he may continue to arouse her for a while but she discourages further stimulation because: she feels awkward about making/letting him ‘work’ once he has ‘finished’; or feels that he may not wish to continue; or he may not be aware of the possibility of or her need for manual or oral stimulation. This results in orgasmic dysfunction. The woman recognizes after a while that her arousal to point 1 [before reaching her orgasm] leads no further than frustration.
2. She may become aroused to point 2 [before reaching the plateau phase of arousal], but not further once her partner's thrusting ceases.
3. Once she is aware that her partner's orgasm is imminent, she "switches off", and this results in arousal dysfunction.
4. Arousal is minimal or absent, as her natural response is suppressed because she realizes that her minimal level of arousal is unfulfilling, and she may feel that she is being used without concern. It is often at this point that women will ask for professional help, complaining of "feeling nothing" during intercourse, and this is perceived as desire dysfunction.
5. The woman encourages her partner to "get it over with as soon as possible", and this can promote premature ejaculation. This further reduces the possibility of her arousal, and increases her resentment at being "used as a receptacle': and may cause her to taunt and humiliate her partner. Sex becomes granted as a favour or used as a weapon, and the inevitable avoidance further compounds all these problems.
6. The man's concern that he is unable to satisfy his partner, and his desire to delay ejaculation can block his own response, and may result in difficulty in getting or maintaining his erection- erectile dysfunction.
This progression to dysfunction can be illustrated in the following analogy:
A couple go to a restaurant and the man orders a delicious dish, the woman enjoys the smell and sight of it and he offers her a bite, which she enjoys, and he then proceeds to finish the meal. The same thing happens every time they go. After a while the woman resents his complete enjoyment and her own frustration at partaking of only a morsel, and encourages him to finish quickly. This, as well as his guilt affects his enjoyment. Gradually she finds reasons to excuse herself from accompanying him to the restaurant - in the same way as the woman who realizes she is not going to get much enjoyment out of having sex, makes excuses to avoid it.
There are other differences in response between men and women which people should recognize in order to minimize false expectations and avoid problems.
Disparity in Sexual Responses |
|
| MALE | FEMALE |
| Better able to function with many partners; more likely to initiate. | Quality of relationship important influenced by cultural & social factors. |
| Transition: Usually easy & rapid. | Transition: More sensitive to extraneous events. |
| Desire: More spontaneous, less affected by anxiety/stress. | Desire: 32% of women never experience spontaneous desire, many will feel desire once stimulation starts. |
| Arousal: visual, direct tactile, erotica. | Arousal: subtle, tenderness, caressing. |
| Orgasm: Almost invariably occurs, visible, little variation. | Orgasm: Can fake it, occurs about 50% of sex acts, multiple orgasm possible. |
| Resolution: quicker, feels sleepy; inactive. | Resolution: Slower, want sensuous contact. |
| Refractory period: Increases with age. | Refractory period: nil. |
| Responsivity: Peaks at 17 years, then slowly declines. | Responsivity: Increases with age, peaks around 40 then slowly declines. |
