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GENITAL PLEASURING
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Pleasuring is extended from purely sensuous pleasuring to include breasts, mouth and genitals without pressure of sexual intercourse intruding on either partner’s enjoyment.
Genital pleasuring provides a good alternative when intercourse is:
- not desired: menstruation, vaginal infection, pregnancy, or the man has erectile problems
- not desirable because of ill health- immediately after a heart attack or major surgery
- not possible: because of debility or disability.
Genital pleasuring exercises:
In a relaxed comfortable atmosphere, start with sensate focus [non-genital] pleasuring while guiding one another as before. Then proceed to visual and tactile exploration of the mouth, genitals and breasts. The receiver remains passive at first while the giver explores the partner’s genitals and enjoys this contact. Then the receiver focuses attention on the sensations and provides feedback to guide the giver.
Positions: Any position that is comfortable can be used. The following are convenient and can be alternated by both partners.
Spoon Position: sit with your back against the headboard or wall, with your partner in front of you, encircled by your arms so that you both feel ‘safe’. She/he guides you to touch and caress breasts and genitals as desired. Then swop positions.
Scissors position: you lie relaxed with your back on the bed, knees drawn up, your partner sits facing you between your legs and is able to caress your body and genitals, watching for and listening to feedback, then you swop positions.
Female stimulation: The woman places her own hand on her partner’s, or places her hand directly on her breasts and genitals with her partner’s hand on hers. Both should recognise the physical changes that occur and when the clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch – just before the orgasm. Stimulation should stop short of orgasm. Touch should be light, teasing and sensuous, without urgency. Lotions enhance sensitivity and reduce friction, but perfumed lotions should be avoided on the genitals as they may cause irritation, and KY jelly or Astroglide are recommended.
Male stimulation by female partner: A women who has inhibitions about touching the penis should start by looking at it, then her partner should place it against her leg, or tummy, and then on her hand, pausing until she tolerates each step. Once she feels comfortable she should touch and then stroke and gently stimulate the penis and scrotum. If an erection occurs, she should stop, or move to general body stimulation and then return to the genitals. Touch should be light and teasing without urgency or intent to produce ejaculation. Once genital stimulation has produced a strong and durable erection and the man gains confidence, she should stop stimulation and allow the erection to wane, and then to re-stimulate him so that he no longer fears that the erection will be lost unless it is used immediately. In this way he recognises that he can enjoy pleasurable stimulation, and that, although he cannot will an erection, when stimulation is sufficient to arouse him, and if he is not blocked by anxiety, or the demand to succeed, an erection will occur and will recur if it wanes. If the feeling of inevitability occurs, the stop/start or squeeze technique should be practised until ejaculatory control is obtained (a towel should be handy in case of need). [See: Premature Ejaculation]
You should both be guided by what is acceptable, learning to give and receive pleasure, to explore, and recognise that what feels good at one time may be neutral or even unpleasant at another.
Once you are both comfortable with genital stimulation, and communicating well, the intensity of genital stimulation should be increased and may extend to orgasm.
