SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR

MYTHS SURROUNDING SEXUALITY


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Myths are statements without any basis in fact or research, usually voiced by people who are uninformed or misinformed.
The gift of a new life must have been truly beyond the understanding of primitive people, if not thought of as supernatural, and it must have taken a long time to relate the act of intercourse to the birth of a new human being nine months later. Once reproduction was raised to the level of the supernatural, the path was laid for strange ideas and misunderstood co­incidences to become established beliefs which were subsequently accepted as facts. The myths, misconceptions, superstitions and half-truths that grew up around sex influence attitudes even today, and it remains a taboo subject, often associated with shame and guilt. The secretive atmosphere of euphemisms and dirty jokes provides little to counteract misunderstandings.
Religious traditions, prejudice and fear have all been involved, but the greatest problem is ignorance.

The facts about sexual behaviour were discovered in the 20th century, when the work of Kinsey [2, 3] and Masters and Johnson [4, 5] provided the basis for scientific research and understanding about sexual function and effective treatments for dysfunctions. Behaviour based on misinformation and myths which results in anxiety or sexual dysfunction requires correct information and not lighthearted reassurance.

The following are some of the myths that have been of concern to people:

Myths about sexual activity: myth (M), fact (F).

M: sexual pleasure must or can only occur through sexual intercourse [coitus] with the penis in the vagina.
F: intercourse is only one form of sexual expression, and much pleasure [including orgasm] can be derived from caressing, kissing, breast and genital stimulation [manual or oral] without penile containment. This becomes especially important when one partner is ill or disabled, and intercourse is difficult or impossible due to pain or the disability.
M: simultaneous orgasm is the ultimate goal of sexual activity
F: most individuals enjoy their partner's response to orgasm and can then proceed in a relaxed fashion to give themselves up totally to their own sensations and satisfaction. Striving for simultaneous orgasm causes people to become ‘goal orientated’ which can make them become inhibited, and can lead to sexual dysfunction. The man may hold back while the woman frantically tries to hurry, leaving both feeling guilty, angry, or disappointed if they "fail" to achieve this goal.
M: men know precisely how to arouse women.
F: this is one of the most serious sexual myths because it makes women feel they have to "grin and bear" what their partner does, and that it would be an impertinence to guide him lest he take affront about his masculine prowess, leaving both feeling guilty, angry, or disappointed if they "fail" to achieve the goal. Permission to express one’s feelings and desires is one of the fundamentals of sex therapy. Each person has unique responses and only she/he knows what she/he feels and enjoys at a particular time. Her partner shouldn’t have to guess her needs, and can know only if she tells or shows him. Guiding does not mean that what the partner is doing is ‘wrong’- but that it does not feel good at that time, and together they can explore what does feel good with ‘hand on hand’ guiding. [See Sensate Focus Exercises]
M: arousal is automatic if both partners love each other
F: although love is the best known aphrodisiac, and arousal is usually spontaneous, there are times when one or other partner is not responsive, and many  factors can inhibit arousal [See: Factors That Affect Sexual Arousal.
M: the man's role is active and the woman's passive
F: this leads to awkwardness if the woman feels that it is wrong ever to take the initiative, or stimulate her partner, or guide him in stimulating her, which both would enjoy. It is important for the couple to discuss this so that either partner feels comfortable to initiate lovemaking or to suggest different positions or activities.
M: women respond and should reach orgasm as quickly as men
F: this is not usual, and trying for it can inhibit the woman's response. Women generally take longer than men to reach their climax, and many require effective stimulation in ‘foreplay’ prior to actual intercourse [See: Problems with Sexual Response: Differences in Male and Female Responses]
M: it is abnormal, wrong, perverted or unhealthy to have oral sex
F: anything that couples do to increase their pleasure is "normal" provided that it is acceptable to both and does not hurt or degrade either partner. The intensity of orgasm is greater for the woman during manual or oral stimulation than during intercourse. Men too find oral stimulation very arousing. Swallowing vaginal lubrication or semen is harmless providing that both partners are sure that there is no risk of HIV infection [see Safer Sex Practices]
M: masturbation is wrong and may cause ill­ health
F: there is no evidence that masturbation affects health adversely. Women who  are orgasmic through any means, including masturbation, before becoming sexually active often have less difficulty experiencing orgasm with their partner once they become sexually active. Women who have had no orgasmic experience have more difficulty becoming orgasmic with a partner. [See: Masturbation]
M: the man must have a big penis to satisfy a woman
F: the size of the penis is as inconsequential as hand or foot size. [See: Penile size]
M: the circumcised penis is more easily aroused as the glans [tip of penis] is exposed, and circumcised men have more difficulty in controlling premature ejaculation
F: there is no difference between sexual arousal in circumcised and non-circumcised men as the foreskin draws back during erection and gives the same exposure [4].
M: men must always ejaculate during intercourse
F: older men do not ejaculate with every act of intercourse[See: The Effect of Ageing on Sexual Function in Men], and it is not harmful to them. If it is persistent it may be a problem [See: Inhibited Ejaculation]
M: men over 50 are finished sexually
F: it takes longer to attain an erection, the plateau phase lasts longer and ejaculation does not occur every time and the refractory phase time after orgasm before the man can start having intercourse again] is longer, but sexual activity can be continued and enjoyed and is enhanced by regular sexual activity with an interested and interesting partner [See: Effects of Ageing on Sexual Function in Men]
M: women cannot have orgasms without intercourse
F: orgasm may be experienced during breastfeeding, fantasy and manual or oral stimulation
M: a woman will become pregnant only if she has an orgasm
F: female orgasm is not necessary for conception to take place, although pregnancy is dependent on male ejaculation.

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