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It has been said that the phrase ‘parents and lovers’ is a contradiction of terms!
Happily for some couples that is NOT so, as they are able to continue their healthy and satisfying sexual relationship during and after pregnancy. But in many cases the answer is "YES". When checking back in the history of many couples who seek advice for sexual problems, they reveal when the problem started, as they say that "sex was great - until our baby was born" -- "and then got even worse after the second baby". In some cases this has led to loss of libido or arousal, or even sexual aversion and avoidance of any sexual contact.
There are many reasons for this to happen as the following long list will show, but if couples are aware and prepared for the pitfalls they should be able to prevent serious problems arising that would otherwise lead to sexual dysfunction.
The effect on sexuality depends on the rank of the pregnancy, the relationship and the degree of satisfaction before the pregnancy. Couples who succeed in keeping sexual contact through to the eighth month of pregnancy have less problems after the pregnancy such as ‘baby blues’, depression, easier initiation of intercourse, shorter time before making love again, and better communication between them regarding nurturing the baby. 75% of divorces occur within 2 years after a birth of a baby, and among these divorces, couples consider that lack of sexuality during pregnancy is one of the common causes [1]
It is important to understand that the emotional and physical changes that occur during and after pregnancy are temporary, but the effects can be long lasting if one is not aware, and so it is vital to maintain intimacy and continue to make love through physical contact even if sexual intercourse is 'not allowed' during the pregnancy for medical reasons, or if it is uncomfortable, or 'too much effort'- in order not to get into a rut of rejection, guilt, anger and avoidance.
Sexual desire, pleasure and arousal are enhanced by: sight, sound, smell, effective stimulation through touch, feeling loved, cherished and secure. On the other hand, desire and response can be "blocked" or impaired by factors like: pain, anxiety, anger, depression, stress, hormonal changes and fatigue, and many of the latter factors prevail during pregnancy and after the birth of a baby. In addition, concerns about the health and normality of the baby and coping with the pregnancy, labour and parenthood arise, as well as fear of harming the baby during intercourse. Fears are often compounded by ignorance, misunderstanding and myths.
It is absolutely clear that for a healthy woman in an uncomplicated pregnancy it is safe to continue to have sexual intercourse throughout the pregnancy. The baby cannot be harmed as it is in a special sac in the uterus [womb], and intercourse does not cause abortion or premature labour or congenital abnormalities.
The challenge is to recognize the feelings and changes that you experience for what they are, and that the way one feels is not because you have stopped loving your partner or that he has stopped loving you - or is having an affair, or that he finds you unattractive. Continue expressing yourselves emotionally and physically and ensure that the loving in your relationship is maintained.
