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SELF DISCOVERY
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The following graduated tasks have clearly defined limits, which allow you to tackle one step at a time, enabling you to experience immediate success without feeling pressure to overcome the whole problem.
Self discovery is particularly helpful for those who are inhibited and have poor body image. Each person is unique and needs to appreciate this.
This exercise is designed to help you get in touch with all parts of your body just as it is, and to overcome your anxieties and to recognize the pleasure of touch.
Self Discovery Exercises:
Set aside about 40 minutes 3 to 4 times a week in undisturbed privacy. There must be no expectation of “being turned on” by these exercises which are purely for discovery and acceptance.
Visual exploration: stand relaxed in front of a full-length mirror, dressed on the first occasion, and nude on subsequent occasions. Observe yourself with open eyes and mind, acknowledge what you see and fee1, and consider whether your feelings are positive or negative. While focusing on feelings, look at all the angles of your body as if you were an artist. Try to find beautiful lines, contours, folds and shadows while exploring the shapes of your body, at first as a whole and then in parts - limbs, trunk, neck, head, etc. Consider how you like and dislike each part and what your partner’s reaction would be. If there are parts you are unhappy about, consider whether changes are possible (plastic surgery, diet, exercise), otherwise consider how you can accept them as they are without negative feelings. It is important to realise that although you may consider that your breasts are too large/too small/pendulous, this is unrelated to femininity, and that being slim does not equate with sexual response or being sexy, even though the mass media imply that it does. Reubens paintings of voluptuous and curvaceous women are evidence that this type of figure is not undesirable!! Men who consider that their penis is small should be reassured that this has no influence on their partner’s sexual arousal [see: Sexual Myths 8.1].
Tactile exploration: lying comfortably on your bed or in the bath repeat the above exercise with your eyes closed, exploring your body to feel the different textures (hair, bone, tendon), and accept the feeling of touch, recognizing the different sensations while considering which areas feel good, indifferent or bad.
Genitals: sit comfortably on a chair or lie on your bed propped up with pillows, hold a hand mirror to look at your genitals. Women: use your fingers to expose and identify the parts. Consider your feelings about looking at your genitals and what discoveries are made in feeling them. Put a finger into your vagina and contract and relax the muscles of the outer third of the vagina- as if you start and finish passing urine. Explore the size and shape of your vagina and notice the moistness and the non-offensive but special taste and odour of your secretions.
Sharing: your discoveries and feelings with your partner may help you to realise that you have been far too critical of yourself, and that your partner has very positive feelings that you had not realised. Discuss his/her negative and positive feelings as well as your own. Previous reassurance may take on a new dimension in helping you to accept your body.
Body journey: One partner takes it in turn to sit or stand nude in front of a full length mirror, while the other asks questions with the purpose of “getting in touch”, accepting and expressing feelings and emotions about the body (anxiety, joy, tension), and enhancing communication.
Questions to ask: “What do you like most about your body?” “Why do you like that best?” “What do you like least?” and why? How does it feel there? (in different parts of your body).
Pretend that you enter your body and journey around it like a tiny creature, describing what it looks, smells, feels and tastes like, and how it feels being in a particular place when you are tense, relaxed or sexy. Take the same “journey” around your genitals while discussing your good and bad feelings.
This all helps you to get in touch with yourself, accept yourself and then be able to move on and share more effectively with your partner what you feel, and like.
